5 years in Australia

Living alone in this 5 years in overseas is not a really tough job for me, but it is not as easy as I think… yes I’ve been in Australia for 5 years… things are different which everything have to decides on my own, things need to settle on my own and I need to be more independent…

Sometimes I always think that why that is so unfair that people in my age got lots of attentions, cares and concerns from their family and friends but not me? Why are some friends having a relationship that can last long but not me? Those are just things that I will simply think when I am alone…

First year in Australia… it was really lonely and scary… I was in a place with all the strangers and everything is new to me… I’ve got homesick and always got myself cried and sleep at night… got to know some new friends from the school… I am glad that I went back to Malaysia for my summer holidays…

Second year in Australia… I am getting myself to suits the environment as long as the people around, not longer in homesick situation… always hang out with friends and housemates… never been home early as I never have time to spent at home… been through few relationships in that year… am not playing around in relationships but been fooled by people a lot… realized that I am not suppose to drag myself too much in relationships… that is the year where Danny passed away…

Third year in Australia… this is the most unforgettable as well as the most happiest one I ever got… got to live with another 6 friends in a house… they were great, we shared every moment… had lots of parties… lots of trips, and not forgetting the saddest of losing my beloved daddy… in this year, I got myself to be a social smoker, I swear a lot, I smoked weed, I drink a lot and I always stay up late… never fail to get myself to clubbing in each weekends… got to know some ‘Monash gang’ which are Malaysian as well… we always hang out together for ‘yum cha’, clubbing, trips, we went to some places around Melbourne and that is the first time I got my hair dyed into red color… lots of funny stories come out in that particular year especially those drunk moments and hang over moments…

Fourth year in Australia is a year that full of ups and downs… ever since daddy passed away, I’ve change… I’m not longer carrying on with my bubbly character; I’m not longer a party animal… I’m not longer into smoking as well as taking drugs and drink… I always got myself locked in the room, I’ve spend lots of time in internet… I pay lots of attentions into my studies… and took part in all the school activities… this is a year where I’ve got a chance visited central Australia as well as south Australia… the most adventures year for me…

Fifth year in Australia… a lonely year, a special one, and this is a year where I got myself realized lots of things in life… got myself grow up after facing and handling lots of problems… and this is a year where I got to know most of you all :)… had all the celebrations, all the memories left in this year… this is a year where I graduated from schools… not longer a student anymore… not forgetting a year that had lots of broken relationships, especially the one with Ian…

This year would be the sixth year in Australia… I hope I will have a good time here and I wish I could see what I wanna do in future… I’m still deciding few things in my life… of course some of them are kinda personal… so I won’t share it here as well… anyway do wish me luck in choosing a right path for my future…

Living alone throughout these years had gave me a very good chance to learn from mistakes, grow up maturely after handling and solving some problems… I thought I was a tough girl, but I realize no matter how tough I act to be, there is still a soft part of me… it is just as fragile as the bubbles… wishing so much to have someone that I love to hold me in the dark, catch me when I fall, protect me when I am in danger, fill up my empty heart, stay me away from loneliness… I guess I am not as independent as I thought I was…

Some of you might be thinking why I am here for so long… I guess this is a question I would like to ask for at least an answer as well… been here to avoid myself in some problems in the family, been here to enjoy while people back home are not as enjoy as me… after 3 years in Australia, I love the weather here, Melbourne is much more colder than Malaysia, the cold weather in Melbourne is longer than the hot one… I like the security here as I felt a lot safer compared with Malaysia… too many criminal cases in Malaysia… I am not looking down at Malaysia, but after spending so many years in Australia I guess those are the reasons that make me stay here until now…

Some of my friend would describe me as wild and loving freedom a lot… hmm… let me clarify my wildness… I am not those hot chicks that hanging around and the wildness I’ve got is not as wild as those hot chicks lol… I hate to be interfered, I hate to be nagged, and I hate to be controlled… I love to live on my own world, I love to go on my ways… sometimes I might be harsh and rude towards strangers, but I realized I am not an angel and I am not here to pleased everyone as I did… I use to give my heart to everyone to share their ups and downs, but too many betrayers’ cases had proven me that I should be myself to more devilish… I know it is just part of our life… but I guess you would know me better if you got to chat and see me in real :)…

Human are stranger and so do I… human are unique and so I… I wish I will be given a way to achieve what I want, love who I want as long as live what I want…