Felt indisposed

I am feeling indisposed now… this is about the colleague that I mentioned in my previous blog before… as you all read through I haven’t knew her long… but I went out with her few times… today I went out with her and her son again… we went for dinner and the comedy festival…

Ben went to movies with his friends after that, then Bernie said is still early and drag me back to the clocks, one of the TAB bar in flinders st… we went there and I feel a bit bored when she starts flirting around, smoke and drink a lot… went to sit at the pokies and start pressing again… not a bad day to won some money though hehe…

Out of sudden she came to me and ask if she can follow a guy home… she said that is her dream guy and stuffs… when I hear that I was a bit annoyed and said no, she asked why and I answer because she promised Ben to be home… she used to talk to me for few times I roughly feel how she feels… she has been a widow for 21 years… she wishes to get a good guy but she will never get to choose the right one…

Living with Ben is just stressing herself out… she is depressed when she is being controlled and being nagged by Ben… Ben is rude to her when he felt anything that Bernie did is not right to him… I actually witness that… I am not sure what had happened before and I wanted so much to approach Ben and talk about it…

Unfortunately, I feel like I am just a friend of them… not really want to drag myself in, may be there have an amazing experience that I can’t accept? Maybe when I know the truth I will feel unacceptable? What should I do for that? Sigh…

So back to last night, after I said no I was about to go to ladies and send her home… but when I came out from ladies, she rang me and said she is on the way with the guy, and she apologize for that… I was a bit disappointed and wanted so much to ring Ben to stop that… but I don’t know if that is appropriate… she even told me not to let Ben to know about this… sigh…

Now I feel like I am just like a sandwich person in between them… I hate to be like that and I hate to decide in this situation… if I told Ben what would happened next? Will Bernie hates me? And what Ben will think? What Ben will feel? How is he going to cope with that? But if I don’t tell Ben? How many times this kind of thing might happen? Sigh… got a missed call from Ben, but I didn’t pick up…

Alright, so far that is the feeling of indisposed… as for my own life, I got things settled… and rested for like 2 weeks without working the afternoon shift… will ring up agency and ask about the new jobs… so hopefully I will get through it and establish myself well…

p/s: thanks to SYLau gor for sending me an email about having a bad day... is a nice one and actually will think I am not that bad actually hehe... Thanks a lot gor...