Time flies but I am still the same

I am suppose to be sleeping now, but when I am thinking too much I can’t get to sleep well… maybe I am having homesick or maybe I am missing daddy too much… got to chat with my buddy today… we chat a lot about our fun time in study, our problems in life and our family…

I feel like crying since I woke up today… my whole mind is daddy, I miss the time where I watch movie with dad… I am the daughter who didn’t talk much to daddy… I don’t know how to communicate with daddy, but lately, when I am sitting alone or I feel like talking to someone, I will sit there and start asking if daddy hear me… I will try to talk to daddy… I don’t know if he hears that…

It’s been almost 3 years… but everything seems to be fresh… I will I am so far away from daddy, I feel there are so many things that I never do with daddy… I can felt his feelings of struggling for the family… the more I think the more I miss my family…

I am worried about my sister’s children… they are just cute little kids that are growing in a poor family… I do really wish I can have a stable life and help them of… I really don’t wish to see them being spoiled kids… it’s like out of sudden I am feeling everyone’s feeling…

I feel I am lucky enough to have what other people don’t have, but I am sad of my siblings that they don’t get what I’ve got… the feeling is like so sad that I can’t do anything about it… all I could do is work harder to earn money and help them out…

I tried not to think too much I did spend time on work and spend time outside to avoid thinking it, but when I went for medical checkup again, it’s like health giving me problems in life… I don’t want to think about it…

I went to buy things and came home, I felt so empty today besides keep talking to make myself busy… but once I stop I can’t control my tears at all… sigh… life…