It is so hard to tell someone you miss them without letting them know

I got a sudden feel he is not mine and he would not be mine anymore… I don’t know why am I feeling this way but is just a feeling… I am not having anyone else in my mind... and no matter what song I listen the whole mind of mine is him and only him…

Went to see doctor, and got myself some vitamins, weight gaining powder… and had some chat with the doctor… he asked me not to stress myself, have enough rest as well as a normal meal will do…

Never been sleeping the whole night again… I’ve got insomnia, can’t get to sleep I have no idea what is happening… went to work in 730am… was in the office and reading some novels, then help out at the counter to handle some cash then went to see doctor, after that I went to the bank to deposit some money and so there goes my activity outside my house…

When I come home I’ve got a cold shower, then got myself some light food and had my medicine… got flu and sore throat… then came online… been checking mails, disturbing some friends, check my blog, check forum, replied all messaged in friendster and been playing game a while…

Been sharing some recipes with some friends and my friend’s mum… the whole house housemates been learning cooking form me and most of them improved their cooking skills… well is really happy when you see them able to cook something better for themselves… the feeling is like you have plant some plants from a seed and grow to a tree :)…

Been chatting with nick and found he is really a good friend and good boyfriend… well… don’t worry I am not falling in love with him… but he is really a good friend :).. Looking forward to maintain this friendster as long as I can….

My sister called me and she is coming over for holiday soon, she said she is unhappy to stay at home… the husband of my mum had force my both sisters to had dinner everyday at home at 7pm, after that hour there is no food left… I wonder how could my mum letting him to make such rule in the house…

People asked me why am I logging in to IRC?... I’ve answered them because I wanted to know friends besides that seeing people chat, from what people chat you can see lots of things… sometimes human are weird… they tried to do lots of things to hurt themselves, but at the end there are only wounds and pain left to themselves…

I’ve regret of what I had done to hurt myself after the operation, but I am trying to control all the foods and drinks to let it cured… looking forward to go for a holiday soon… feel like going to a snowing place… and feel like going the trip alone…

I am typing in this blog is not to telling people how much I miss him or anything… this is just a blog for me to express myself, so I can be healthier… before I broke up with him, I got his ears for me, I can call him everyday before I sleep… I am still missing those moments and I can’t really sleep well without chatting with him… maybe I am taking this blog to replace him… typing here is like telling him what had I been doing the whole day…

Before this, he had come online as much as he can in his office hour… I love to see him online and I love to chat with him most of the time… even though sometimes I am not telling him what I am thinking but at least I love to be pampered by him…

He is like a big baby too… but I am not a good ‘nanny’… anyway memory is good to think when you are alone, but is bad to think when you had been missing too much… enough for now… wishing to see him soon… no matter he will want me or not I will want to see him, I am ready for the worst :)… leave it to fate… leave it to love… leave it to god…